"when two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you've got two new people" ~ John Steinbeck
It has been over 10 years since my life got caught in a whirlpool, swept into unchartered territory, with no alternative but to voluntarily immerse myself in the experience and brace myself for all that was to crash before me. Like anything struck by an inexplicable energy, my life never returned to the placid waters I had once known. I did not miss or long for the return of my whirlpool, but had always wondered why and where it had disappeared to. Whom did it strike in its path after me? What fury had evolved or had my whirlpool indeed, settled into a body of placid water itself?
By the laws that mysteriously regulate and turn this universe, I was presented with the re-acquainting of my whirlpool. We rode the tides of our past together and of waters that we had both separately tread. The re-union had filled the gaps and cracks that I thought would laze forever in my heart. Since then, we assured the friendship drought would never reign again. It was a strange occurrence that despite time passed, we still unnervingly knew each other like it were yesterday.
Upon my decision to leave London, I had decided to travel around Asia. First stop, was to visit my whirlpool indefinitely, until my exact plans were sketched. A sequence of timely events had cut my journey short and saw my return home much sooner than first intended. Looking back, this was fate smiling on me, steering me away from a much greater disaster in the waiting. Here, in the middle of my visit, it became endearingly apparent, what I was blind to or disallowed myself to accept, of the precise reasons why we parted, in the moments that we did.
I believe that certain people come in, and out, of our lives at specific moments in our lives for a reason. To teach us what no one else could teach, to open our eyes to what we need to see, to make us feel what the heart had yet to discover, and then, leave, to allow us to grow.
No animosity lies towards his name, but just a deep gratitude to life, to fate and to him, for whom he had allowed me to become. I have always known why he had struck, and to be honest, I cannot imagine who I would be today, if he had never spun into my world. It’s scary yet amazing to think that someone can leave such an imprint on ones being, and at the end of my days, if I were to leave just one clumsy imprint in this world, I will be beaming a life of success.
I wrote this after returning from Valencia, spurring my aspirations to live as an international nomad...
I want to float in the winds with no destination,
Leading a mystery, a life of no hesitation.
I want to sit by soothing sounds of pounding waves,
I want to view cities in glories from ancient caves.
I want to feel the humbling state
Of being reminded of the existence of Great;
Great tales of how the world has come to be,
Great tales of victories on land and on sea.
I want to hear the stories of every rock unturned,
As behind every story is a lesson learned.
I want to sit still, silent for a few seconds
So I can open my heart to all the worlds’ beckons.
I read an article a while ago, describing our society as "a canceling culture;" living with an understanding that it is okay to cancel appointments last minute. The article describes the comfortable guilt, we as a society, possess in conveying empty, joyous words of re-acquainting, and how at times upon cancelling an appointment we feel somewhat victorious having “cheated” in winning some “lost” time back. This is one of the reasons why I abhor chitchat. That moment of awkwardness when the forgetful banter is on its’ last breath and someone always ends up dropping in an obligatory “we should meet up some time,” whilst both parties know of the truth that lies in those words, or the lack of truth that is. I hate empty words and obligatory politeness. Why bother?
Recently a girlfriend of mine kindly decided to take on the trying mission of organizing a mini re-union with our group from high school, the majority we have not really seen since those uniformed days long ago. Of the dozen or so friends that we called our girls most had confirmed their excitement to the forth-coming re-union yet only three turned up. I know we are all super busy and super important these days building an empire, making the millions and raising our six children but when did we reach a point where we simply did not have the time to care?
From spending almost everyday of our adolescent lives together, laughing together, eating together, fighting together, learning and growing together we could not have afforded one planned evening with those that were once our lives. Nine years have passed, nine years filled with marriages, engagements, children, travels, graduations, careers and promotions, a whole load of tears and a whole load of joys but Facebook and the grapevine these days is enough to fill our failing need to know what is going on in an old friends life.
Needless to say that I could not attend but it really saddened me to think that all those that cancelled, at the end of the day, just couldn’t be bothered. We are all so self obsessed. There have been numerous times where an appointment fills me with a sudden bout of extreme laziness, but every time without fail I return from the evening with a smile on my face having had the best time, and thinking to myself that I should meet up with that person more often. We tend to feel uncomfortable in straying from routine and become content with the people that we already happily surround ourselves with on a daily basis, but what harm can come of doing something different for a change? I don’t believe that anyone can be too busy for a friend, be it an old friend, a lost friend, a distant friend or your best friend, and I'd like to hope that when I return to Sydney, people will be able to afford the time to see me once again.
Holy Batman!! So it has almost been a month since I have exercised my literary skills on this blog. I have not been lazy I assure you, but the London summer has lived up to every ounce of burdening expectation and reputation that everyone declares with their lives on. I have so much to speak of about life, but in fear that another month may pass before our eyes, I shall write this entry without crossing the “t’s” and dotting the “I’s.”
There are various conclusions to what people deem as true friendship. Since being here, I have come to my own two conclusions thus far. The first is that true friends are friends that help you before you even know that you need help. During my period of home-sickness and finding my feet in London, a few close friends managed to somehow unerringly know when I needed to hear a familiar voice or be reminded that I wasn't forgotten, and before I even had a chance to come to this realization, I would receive a timely phone call or message, just to say hi.
My second conclusion is freedom.
Friendship equals freedom, freedom to kick back and be yourself 100%. Freedom to laugh. Freedom to be a dork. Freedom to muck around all day long without the fear of being judged, as they know who you are and are friends with you for this reason, good and bad. Freedom to talk about everything and anything. Freedom of the past, the present and the future. Freedom of care (if that makes sense). I miss caring for my friends, my loves. I miss being cared by my friends, my loves.
Recently I have had two close friends come stay with me for a couple of weeks. As much as I have reveled in the independence of setting up a complete new life again, spending time with old friends from home is such a gift that can never be measured nor rivaled.
I miss the fuss that is involved with having close friends. I cooked dinner for the first time in ages for Reyes and Ed, and although sadly my skills have diminished (as now, eating dinner for one means whatever is the quickest fix will do), the task made me feel at home. *smiles* When the boys went out for the day and returned with dinner, they would automatically think of me as well. I miss that, just being a factor in someone else’s life. Enjoying the company of home and having them enjoy my company. The day they both left, as the emotional person that I am, it made me teary to once again have to say goodbye. I know I will see them both real soon but it still doesn’t get easier knowing that when I return to my abode in the evening that they won’t be there and my home will once again just be a house.
As mentioned before, my friends have impeccable timing, as on this day where I was a little dis-heartened to return to a somewhat empty household, I instead returned to a mysterious parcel… from Sydney… from my girls. Oh how I fricken love getting surprise snail mail (that are not bills)!! It’s the absolute best thing about living so far away from home.
Your words, your thoughts, your love truly touched my heart and made me cry… again.
There are a million things that I believe I do not deserve and have been too lucky to receive in this life of mine, but definitely on the top of my ever-grateful list are the people that are in my life… that are my life.
You all truly amaze me!!
